I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
