I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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