Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize