I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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