On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
