he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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