It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
