New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
