Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
