I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
