woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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