as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
