My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
