Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
