I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
