You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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