I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
