Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
