It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
