Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
