You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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