The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
