Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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