Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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