My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
