I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
