i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
