dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
