goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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