If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
