in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
