you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Welp...herpes.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
