I can text with my tongue
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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