And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
