i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
