WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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