I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
