Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
