What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
