I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
