The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize