bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
