You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
