I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize