hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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