Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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