i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
