I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
