i permit you to call me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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