when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
