Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
