dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
