Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
