There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
