I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
