I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
