Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
