I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
