Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
