Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
