...so i touched it.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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