i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
