All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
