I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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