They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
