I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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