trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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