dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
