I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
