This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
