I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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