girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
