i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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