You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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