I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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