Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
