i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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