He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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